Anger is one of the most common reactions to death, and it can present itself in many different packages. As a stage of grief, anger is very normal and useful energy if it is acknowledged, honored, and eventually released.
There are many reasons one experiences anger when it comes to death:
- Reacting to the way our loved one died, in terms of their medical care or decisions made on their behalf
- Experiencing shock and disbelief of an accident or suicide
- Feeling like our loved one was not able to do or achieve all they were meant to in life
- Witnessing a long and painful dying process
Those left behind may find themselves struggling with the anger of just that…the feeling of being “left” – left alone, left with a legal challenge, left with a family mess, left with debt, and so on.
Facing Our Anger
Healing comes when we acknowledge anger and move through the emotions as a necessary stage of the process. By the time many folks end up in my office, they have either stuffed or ignored their anger, verses embracing it, and this results in their physical, emotional and mental bodies taking a hit.
I tell clients, be open and willing to go INTO the anger, even though it may seem to feel as if it is an endless abyss of darkness. The more you use your meat-body to feel the feel of grief, the more it can begin to dissipate and move through you, but it does take time. There is no calendar on how one moves through grief, especially when rooted in anger. Remember anger, and the pain of it, still resides on the top surface of the real energy…and that energy anchor is fear. The top levels of pain may show itself as being abandoned or left, but the fear is deeper—fear that you are now alone.
The anger is just another expression of the force of your love connection to the one who has left. So this is an opportunity to reexamine your belief systems on death and love overall.
Practicing Unconditional Love
Learning ways to allow yourself to still connect with your loved one without their physical container of meat and bone is key. We are trained to believe in what we SEE versus what we KNOW. We can, through spiritual work, remember what the KNOW of being loved by the one we have lost. We can still allow ourselves to maintain a relationship, while honoring the choice that loved one made from a higher plane to move beyond using a physical form on this 3-D Earth plane.
Honoring the contract of the one who has died is one of the most UNconditional ways to show love to self and others. People get to die, and we oftentimes make their death-choice about us, because that is what we humans do.
We ignorantly say things like:
“She died before she got to get married.”
“He barely got to enjoy his career.”
This is because in our egoic-minds this is what we perceive they came here to do. But in the case of the Higher-Self, each of us knows exactly what we are doing when we leave this Earth plane, right along with the timing of it.
Truly finding the allowing in the process helps us release our anger and create healing. If we leave this Earth-plane existence before we got to be married, it was because we did not sign on for that in this round, and that is OK. Those of us left need to do out best to honor that from a higher-vibration and not assume our version of their story is what they missed out on.
Releasing Our Anger for Not Being There
A common anger my clients experience during the death of a loved is the anger for not being there in the room when the death has occurred. Many feel cheated and upset at themselves for not getting there on time or feel they were not good enough somehow to have attended.
Death is an amazing thing if we open our hearts to the omni-presence of it all. I have sat with many patients during their final hours while they astrally visit those they love that are not in attendance or at their bedside. Their meat-body can fully reside in the bed, experiencing their death, while their heart and soul travels out of body to connect with those they love.
This is not much different from how we astrally travel in dream state to visit those we love. It is also the same as how we come back to connect via spirit visitations when we have crossed back to Source.
Holding onto anger of not being there is an ego-based perspective, where we somehow make the person’s death journey more about us then their choice, where we feel like WE are the one that should be there to somehow make it better, or different, or easier. But the fact is that we basically come into this world alone and have every ability to leave it alone.
If you are in attendance with a loved one at their passing, it was meant to be, if not, it was meant to be. That does not in any way negate your worth. It just is. If we pull back our ego, and allow the honor of the persons contract to be fulfilled, we can release this anger, usually rooted in guilt.
Releasing Our Anger at God
Anger at God is also an emotion I encounter quite often with clients that come to connect with lost loved ones. For some it feels as if “God” is a “guy up there” that decided to “take their loved one” too early or in a way that makes them uncomfortable or angry.
But from an energetic perspective, there is no GUY. And there certainly is no guy working to undermine love.
We are CO-creators with the God-Source energy in life and in death. That co-creation begins well before we come into this conscious Earthly co-creation to well beyond when we leave it, and we are fully in charge from our Higher-Self, even if it does not seem to look that way from the physical realm.
That Higher Self may indeed choose to die from disease, accidents, trauma, war, and more for what ever reason aligns to that higher perspective. Those of us left behind may never understand, yet need to be careful not to judge through our personal filter that a death is right or wrong because we have no ownership of another’s soul path. Holding anger takes ownership of the deceased one’s journey, and that is not honoring.
Honoring the Dying Journey
Honor is key. Honoring how and when our loved one dies is certainly challenging, especially if it does not fit into our personal lenz of seeing things as right, wrong, easy or difficult. But honoring their dying journey, and knowing it is guided from their Higher Self, is the the most loving response we can have from an energetic perspective. When we honor the dying journey, we honor omni-presence itself.
As always, these are my observations about the energy of death and dying based on many years of working at the bedside of hospice patients and with clients who are working to heal from the death of a loved one. Please take what resonates and throw out the rest because you must discern what is true for you.